My Breastfeeding Journey

I am 10 months into breastfeeding James and not going to lie, it was significantly harder than I ever expected but I still don’t regret my decision one bit. It is truly a labor of love and a whole other element you have to factor into day-to-day life in addition to keeping a tiny human alive. I can see if you are a full time stay-at-home mom and don’t let your child out of your sight for 12 months (like I know a lot of women do) then it might be a little easier – I say little because it’s hard either way!

Before I had James I didn’t really know “how” to breastfeed, I mean, I took a class and all but they don’t really go over ALL of the logistics. They teach how to get proper latch, how to hold the baby and about a million facts/benefits that make you afraid to quit. I was wholly under prepared but that’s part of the learning curve with motherhood.

It was a LONG road to get James and I where we are now with nursing. After James and I were reunited in the recovery room after delivery, I tried to nurse hin for the first time and lets just say there was a lot of crying from both of us. He refused to latch on.  I then wasn’t “allowed” to nurse him for the first few months. He was so tiny that he wasted too much energy trying to latch and the doctors/nurses wanted him on a fortified diet. So I pumped and pumped and pumped and pumped and thought about quitting and pumped and pumped – and that is just an example of one day/night. 7-8x/day for the first few months, every time he ate, I pumped, it was exhausting and painful. SO MANY BOTTLE DISHES. Huge thanks to my mom who got up with me at odd hours to ease the burden and streamline the process for the first couple (ok, like 6) weeks.

I mentioned in a previous post about my post partum anxiety and breast feeding/pumping was definitely a contributing factor. I didn’t have supply issues but I think the hormones/exhaustion added to my anxiety. In the NICU I was allowed to try to nurse for a few minutes after every other bottle feeding. We then worked up to trying nursing for 5-10 minutes before bottle feeding. Once we got home, we had good weeks and bad weeks trying to incorporate our nursing attempts into our routine. I used a nipple shield as an aid and that worked really well but weaning him off of it was tough. Somewhere along the line, I don’t even know when, things “clicked”. I could nurse him for an entire feeding without the nipple shield. I had a better sense of my supply/demand (hard to coordinate while pumping). Then I got brave enough to try nursing in public once I knew he could reliably latch and feed without getting distracted.

I built up a huge freezer stash and then promptly shipped most of it off to my sister’s close friend who had pneumonia and was on antibiotics and couldn’t nurse (and her kiddo was refusing formula). I was happy to do it and would do it again in a heart beat. I built up my stash a bit more but then took some “mommy time” and was happy to have some milk to cover while I was gone for a couple days. James can flip between breast milk and formula without much issue so it’s a nice (expensive) back up for when my supply ebbs and flows.

I know so many women who have struggled with breast feeding so I wanted to share “our journey”. We are in a great place now but it has taken a lot of work. I don’t regret deciding to breast feed but I also have no judgement for women who can’t or who give it up. I have pumped on a boat in the middle of the ocean, in a moving car a couple times, parking lots, at every hour of the day and night, and even fallen asleep pumping (brother-in-law had to wake me up). When you forget to put breast pads in and you wake up in a puddle of milk. Bringing a cooler just about EVERYWHERE you go. Traveling with a little 5# pump anytime you are out of the house for more than a couple hours.

Feeding my baby while walking through Dinosaur World, sweating my ass off but feeling super bad ass. 

I have decided to try and reach the magical 1 year mark of breast feeding. Which means I will try to pump and dump while we are in Greece next month (James will turn 11mo while we are gone). I am down to pumping 1-3x a day (depending on how much I nurse) so I am going to try for 2x/day while on vacation. I realize there is a good chance James won’t be interested in nursing when I get back (but I kind of think he’ll pick it back up just fine – he’s a boob>bottle man). There is the issue of electricity conversion so I might be stuck with hand pumping (ugh) in order to not kill my Medela pump. Wish me luck!

2017 – let’s do this!

It’s January (and my Christmas tree is still up) so therefore I can still declare my new years resolutions…fair?!?

2016 in review

  • I gave birth to James Thomas in March and mommy-hood is AMAZING but exhausting.
  • We bought our first house and it’s single family, unattached and we LOVE IT
  • I went diving 2x….slowly making a return
  • Celebrated 6 years of marriage and our babymoon at Duck Beach

New years resolutions –

I have one big one and it’s a daily challenge but so far 3 weeks in i’m doing pretty well – “Live a simpler life”. Michael is an aggressive saver which I am terrible at but I want to support him. We have a lot of new expenses with daycare, new home mortgage, student loans, etc….there isn’t a lot of room for a lot of extras. I also want to be less material, I sometimes feel buried in “stuff” and although I’m a sucker for cute workout clothes, new gadgets, decorations, toys, etc….I’d much rather save some pennies and go on a cool trip. Experiences over material objects. Obviously, I’m not going to deprive James of the occasional new toy or cute outfit but I want to be less impulsive. I am a pro at online shopping, I love to get packages, I used to have my CC memorized but i’m trying to be good. We have some grand plans and eventually want another kid (or two) and want to be smart with our future. So, buy less, enjoy what we have and spend our money on memories and not material objects.

Return to blogging – ok, so 2016….wow, what a year! I put blogging on a back burner (5 posts in a year is officially considered a hiatus) to try and soak up as much as possible. Frankly, at the end of the day, after work, dinner prep, dishes, pumping, laundry – if I was lucky a workout – I just wanted to check out (and/or check instagram) and either sleep or zone in front of a 30 minute TV show. I’m slowly getting back on top of things and returning to blogging is high on the list cause I miss it! So, I changed up the layout a little, refreshed some pages and have some posts lined up.

Regain a fitness/healthy eating routine – it’s a constant battle for me and so I want to set my intentions to be more mindful, make less excuses and be the best me possible.

So, there you have it – 2017 – let’s do this!

Celebrating 6 months of mommyhood

Wow, I have a 6 month old!

I might be one of the few people who thinks that:

“Damn, it really has felt like 6 months”…as opposed to, where did the time go? and “I absolutely love seeing James grow up and learn new skills”…as opposed to, I wish he would stay this tiny forever.

Sure, there are times where weeks/months fly by but I really do love seeing him develop. I get a little nostalgic when I put away the tiny baby clothes and pull out bigger ones but seeing him learn new skills on the regular is just so fun! Starting at just 4lbs 4oz, every pound gained is a victory in our books so growth (of the fat belly, wrist roll and hair variety) is celebrated.

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img_0012I dream (in few hour increments) of the days that I will be able to sleep through the night again and actually think clearly without an IV drip of black coffee. That being said, even though it’s painful, there is something I love about nursing my baby in his pitch black nursery at 3am. Considering he’s been pretty ho hum about food his entire life, if he wants to wake up and eat in the middle of the night, i’m not going to deny him that…well at least for a few more months and then i’m cutting him off 😉

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I am slowly incorporating “me time” back into my life with the help of my amazingly supportive husband who gets excited for “boy time” if I go away for a run/coffee date or a long weekend. Scuba diving was one of the biggest things that I wanted to bring back into my life, I missed it so much. I had one ~48hr baby-free-cation trek to the coast for 1 (supposed to be 2) days of diving. Next week, I am going away for ~4 days to attend Oiselle Bird Camp in Boone, NC. 3ish days of running, yoga, hiking, girl talk, eating, coffee, etc and I am SOOO excited. I never really did camp as a kid with the exception of girl scout overnights so this will be fun. I am going to miss my boys terribly but I know it’ll be good for Michael to get some one-on-one time and for me to get some “me time”.

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Finding my smile…again :)

Only a handful of people know this but I experienced (suffered sounds like a terrible word) post partum anxiety – a pesky little brother of PPD. I was not depressed and was actually incredibly happy but I was an emotional basket case, anxious all the time, crying for no reason, just hormones out the wazoo after James was born.

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I felt a little bit like a walking cliché.  In 2015 we moved back “home”, got pregnant (not easily but still) then in 2016 we had a baby and bought house….one big happy perfect family! So, in an effort of full disclosure I am truly SO, SO happy and I’m kind of in awe that everything is falling into place. I absolutely love my little family, our beautiful house and the life we live. However I will admit that it has not been easy. I am thankful for an amazing supportive husband, a family that will do just about anything to help us out and a wonderful community that has kept me sane.

Admitting to myself that my hormones were all out of whack and calling my Obgyn was one of the hardest things i’ve ever done. Realizing that you have anything in the PPD spectrum is hard, they label you as having a “mental health disorder” and although it is nothing to be ashamed of it and it quite common, it feels super shitty.  James is a great baby but since he started small, he came with a bit more stress than the usual amount of newborn stress. Add in the pressures of house hunting and starting back to work and all the logistics of keeping a small human alive (pumping, bottle feeding (read: force feeding), endless dishes, dr appointments, etc), it all took a toll. I finally went to my doctor and talk to her about postpartum ‘whatever you want to call it’. I don’t want to call it depression because I was/am truly happy and I love my baby and I love my life. I’m calling it postpartum anxiety and it felt out-of-control. I could feel my blood pressure rising at the littlest thing (a very strange feeling), I would cry at the drop of a hat and I was just uncomfortable in my own body. I didn’t feel like I had control of my emotions and I felt like hormones were flooding my body. I made the decision that I needed to take something to help control my anxiety. I have never had any trouble with anxiety before and I knew it had to be associated with post partum hormones and big life changes. Since I strive to be fairly transparent and authentic I didn’t want all my pictures of my beautiful baby to cloud everyone’s perception of my beautiful life. Nobody’s perfect and I certainly am not. I say this because going and talking to my doctor was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Admitting that you are somewhat mentally unstable is not easy to do as an adult. I was reassured that everything was completely normal and that this is actually a lot more common. Similar to miscarriage and infertility nobody likes to talk about it – it’s taboo. Nobody wants to advertise “this my adorable perfect family….oh with a side of Prozac”. The hormones associated with breast-feeding and raising a child and loving something so unconditionally totally caught off guard. You feel powerful and powerless at the same time. It took me a while to be able to talk about it (seriously, this post has been in my drafts for like 3 months) but I’m happy to share my story if you can help others out. Because damn, raising a child is one the most exciting, terrifying and humbling experiences of my entire life (thus far).

*I am happy to report that after ~3 months of “treatment” I am feeling much better and feel like my old self again 🙂 🙂 🙂

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I miss blogging….

When I started this little blog back March of 2012, I thought it would be a little phase but here I am 4.5 years later and although I don’t post often, I still love my little space on the internet.

So much has happened since a little tiny human entered our world *almost* 6 months ago. He completely flipped our world upside down and has brought so much happiness and joy into our lives. We are completely smitten and Michael and I often fight over who gets to snuggle him :0). I wanted to blog about navigating first time motherhood but I didn’t want to take away any time with my little one and frankly, after he was asleep, sitting down at the computer was the LAST thing I wanted to or needed to do. Throw in house hunting, a big move, unpacking, full time job, dishes, bottles, pumping, keeping a tiny human alive and a house in order and well blogging got put on a back burner (or more likely stuffed on that top shelf in the cabinet that you have to get a stool to reach and dust off). Now that our house is mostly unpacked and we have a routine (or whatever semblance of a routine one can have with a child) down I feel like I am coming back to reality a bit.

I am now back to running 3x/week, getting almost an uninterrupted night of sleep (down to 1x/night feeding), working full time, scuba diving and starting to feel like my old self again and part of that is expressing myself through writing so I am super happy to be back. Thanks for your patience and get ready for baby photo OVERLOAD!

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Happy Mother’s Day

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I stood in the aisle looking at Mother’s Day cards and realized that there was no Hallmark card suitable to honor/celebrate/thank my mother on May 8th. 

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My mom has filled numerous shoes over the past few weeks – mom, grandmom, friend, lunch buddy, shopping companion, personal driver, dish washer, chef, maid, babysitter, therapist. As I officially became a mom, she was right there with me. The job never ends…even as a fully functioning, married, and (mostly) self-capable woman, there are times when I just need my “mommy”.  After a very stressful day in the NICU I had a moment where I just broke down and needed my mom to sit with me while I cried. It has truly been a blessing to have a mother who can literally move in and help us out because as it turns out, keeping a tiny human alive, a house in some semblance of order and food on the table (err couch) takes a village! 
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I am so glad I was able to give my mother another grandson. She is a natural and she just lights up when she holds James – even at 4am when we are both half mostly asleep. I will always look back at these first few weeks that we got to spend together as a unique time in all of our lives. Grandmothers are super special and I know both of my parents treasure this special time in their lives where they get to spoil rotten their 4 grandkids. They might be retired from their full time jobs but their second career as kick-ass grandparents certainly keeps them busy and fulfilled.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart for everything you’ve done over the last 8 weeks and most importantly, for teaching me how to be a mother by being the best example possible. XOXO

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Squirt’s Nursery

I had so much fun putting together our “Under the Sea” themed nursery for our little guy. It is the tiniest room in our house (suitable for the tiniest member) and previously was our auxiliary storage so took pretty much my whole pregnancy to put together. I tried not to go overboard on the ocean themed decor and I think it’s whimsical but tasteful. I’ve never really intentionally decorated a room before so it was kind of fun to pick things out and see how everything worked in the space.

The nickname “Squirt” came from my husband when James was in the NICU and I find it to be strangely endearing for some reason. I’m sure he’ll outgrow his “little squirt” name but in the meantime, it seem to be sticking around.

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The details: IMG_9254 (1)

Dresser: Pottery Barn Fillmore in Simply White

Changing Pad and Cover: Pottery Barn

Floating shelf: Home Depot

Wipe dispenser: Oxo (Amazon)

Dinosaur and Duck were gifts from the nurses in the NICU. “My first NICI” bunny was a gift from my sister after James was born.

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Crib: Pottery Barn Fillmore in Simply White

Crib Sheets: “Vintage” 2013 Pottery Barn from when Kristen was pregnant with my nephew Will. I saw these and fell in love and knew that they would be perfect for our future little one.

Quilt: Hand made by my lovely friend Caitlin. I gave her very little direction and it is perfect, I love the colors and pattern!

Decorative wall decor: Target party supply (from my baby shower)

“Nar Bear” is a teddy bear my parents got when they were in Switzerland, they got one for all future grandchildren. “Nar Bunny” is a gift from Grandmom Brown when James decided to arrive before Easter, he’s 19 inches long, just like James 🙂

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Diaper pail: Arm and Hammer (Target)

Rocking Chair: Antique from my Grandparents house

Cross-stitched blanket from my amazing mother. I picked this out a few years ago (on sale a Michael’s I believe) before babies were really even on my radar. I love how it turned out and it was a true labor of love.

“bAby” sign: Handmade by my coworker, part of a diaper cake tricycle that she made for my work baby shower.

*Still working on rocking chair cushions, this one actually went back to the store even though the color was perfect, it was just too small for the seat.

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Nightstand: Pottery Barn Fillmore in Simply White

Lamp/Shade: Target

Curtains: Target

Diaper cake is from my baby shower hosted by my sister.

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Blanket organizer: Target (idea from Pinterest)

Hamper: Burlington Coat Factory

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This is my favorite room in our house and I’ll be a little sad when we move out of this place in about 2 months but it’ll be fun to set it up again in our next place. Even when I was pregnant I’d go in and sit and talk to our little one or read him books. He doesn’t currently sleep in his nursery but it’s still such a wonderful little room and great for storage of ALL the baby things. It’s an ongoing project and I love adding little details when I see something that fits the space. We are commissioning a painting from a family friend to eventually hang on the wall and we plan swap out the rocking chair for a more practical glider/ottoman once we have more space.

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5 things i’ve learned in the first month as a “mom”

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  1. Grandmom’s are priceless
  2. You can survive on far less sleep than originally anticipated
  3. Target is mom mecca
  4. The human body is f-ing amazing
  5. A shower, real clothes (leggings count) and fresh air are the cure for a tough day

James, you truly are my greatest adventure and I can’t imagine life without you. You have me and your dad wrapped around your teeny tiny fingers and as I tell you about a dozen times a day “you are my favorite” (shh, don’t tell daddy). I love you even when you are sassy but mainly because it means I get to snuggle you until you calm down. I won’t say it’s been easy but it has totally been worth it. You’ve already grown so much but i’m excited to see the little person you turn into.

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When things don’t go as planned…

“ECV, IUGR, SGA, NST, BPP were all foreign acronyms for me until about 2 months ago. I didn’t have any crazy birth plan but I did expected to have a “normal” labor/delivery and to breastfeed my baby. Having a breech baby, cesarean, NICU baby, needing to pump, bottle feed and supplement with formula were not part of my game plan and I felt a bit caught off guard.

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I had a super smooth sailing pregnancy, no crazy morning sickness, no issues, very reasonable weight gain, no crazy discomfort. Checkups were a breeze, I was still running and feeling great! At my 36 week checkup the doctor that changed. My doctor noted that I was measuring a bit small. I went in for an ultrasound and discovered that our son was measuring about 3 weeks behind schedule and was estimated around 4lbs 4oz….I was in shock. During the ultrasound they also noticed that he was in the breech position…double whammy. Information overload as I discussed with the doctor the game plan for our little tyke. We scheduled a version attempt for the following week, plans for a cesarean if that was unsuccessful and the game plan for 2-3x/week check-ins to make sure little dude was still happy and healthy. I was told to reduced my activity (read: no more running/long walks) and increase my calories a little bit in order to maximize the amount of nutrients going to the baby. The timing of this Rx from the doctor along with girl scout cookie season was perfection 🙂

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The ECV (external cephalic version) is an attempt to rotate the baby into the head down position in order to have a normal vaginal delivery.  The procedure was done in triage (outpatient) at the hospital we planned to have our baby. It was done by my OB and does have a low risk of resulting in emergency c-section so my mom flew in early to be with me (Michael was out of town on training). It was an exceptionally uncomfortable procedure and our baby refused to move more than about 90 degrees in each direction…version fail. We scheduled a c-section for Tuesday, March 29th with more follow-up appointments. The “when would you like to have your baby?” is a question I didn’t expect to be asked. For the ~2 weeks after the version attempt, we alternated NST (non-stress test) and BPP (biophysical profile) ultrasounds to check in on the little one and make sure he was still happy and healthy. So long as he was not showing signs of being stressed in utero, the doctors planned to keep him cooking until 39 week to help with development.

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The official term is IUGR (Intrauterine growth restriction) and is a form of SGA (small for gestational age). The cause is often unknown but webmd has enough information to cause me to freak out a bit. Even though I know it was in no way my fault, it still hurts to know that my body was failing our growing son.  After delivery, they noted that my placenta was quite small and likely just became less efficient as passing on nutrients. Thankfully, in most cases, the babies are able to gain weight quickly after they are no longer receiving nutrients exclusively from mom and live normal lives.

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Our son was born 4lb 4oz, exactly as they had projected at my 36 week ultrasound. I briefly mentioned my disappointment in not being able to exclusively breast feed in James’ birth story. Instead of completely throwing in the towel on breast feeding, I opted to go the more challenging route which involves round the clock pumping, bottles, and formula supplementing. I, of course, planned to do some pumping when I returned to work and so that we could leave James with just daddy or relatives on occasion but I wasn’t prepared to start from Day 1. Pumping is zero fun, it involves a ton of dishes, is uncomfortable, and is just not the same as breast feeding. I can totally see how easy it is to throw in the towel and switch to straight formula if you need to supplement. Michael and my mom have been a huge help to assist with bottle feeding (and the endless pump supply washing) while I pump so that I can get a little more sleep at night. I am happy that I am able to provide breastmilk to our little guy because I do feel like it is very important. I am lucky that I have a healthy milk supply but it comes with a lot of work.

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James’ NICU stay was tough but the facility and nurses at Rex hospital made it a very welcoming environment for us and James. Since he was born a little premature (and his size put him in preemie category), he needed a few days in the NICU to help regulate his blood sugar and then to work on his feeding. Watching your tiny baby get his heel pricked 34 (!!!) times to test blood sugar was brutal and it was an exhausting emotional roller coaster. It was a very scary few days but I knew he was in good hands and that in the grand scheme of things, his issues were very common. It was quite possibly the longest and hardest 6 days of my life but we survived.

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It’s been challenging but this little guy make it totally worth it in every way possible. The lack of sleep, extra doctor appointments, endless dishes, dry/cracked hands, pumping, bottle prep,  million diapers, etc. are a small price to pay for this little miracle:

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The Story of James Thomas

Warning: This is not your storybook, picture perfect labor and delivery but it’s how our son, James Thomas entered the world and I wanted to document it because it was a pretty magical day for us!

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Thursday, March 24th started off with an early morning doctors appointment to check in on our little dude. 2 hours later, the nurse practitioner declared that he had failed his non-stress testing. His heart rate dipped 2x on the NST (non-stress test) where they hook you up to fetal monitors and let you hang out in a recliner for 30+ mins and he got dinged on one of his checks on the BPP (biophysical profile) ultrasound. So, they sent us to the hospital for further monitoring and to meet with the on-call doctor. The same doctor that did my external cephalic version (flip the breech baby attempt) the week prior came by and said that since we are only a few days early from my scheduled c-section and I was already full-term and over 38 weeks “let’s just go ahead and deliver”….eeek!! I’m pretty sure my heart skipped a beat as the news sunk in…it was finally baby day!

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I spent the next few hours hanging out in the hospital triage and texting all necessary parties including sending out a bunch of work emails since I was planning to work till Friday. I had eaten a banana before my doctors appointment so they wanted to wait until the afternoon before going into surgery as a precaution. I was hooked up to fetal monitors, IV line in, blood drawn, and prepped for surgery. Finally, around 4pm, completely starving, they wheeled me off to the OR. I was very calm which was kind of strange but just super excited to finally meet our son. The OR is about what I expected, filled with machines and doctors and nurses. The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the spinal which was pretty uncomfortable but very quick.  It wasn’t as weird as I expected to be awake and operated on. They put up a big curtain and then Michael came in and sat right next to my head. I just spent the entire time staring and chatting with Michael, keeping him from passing out and to ease our nervous energy. I can’t even remember what all we discussed but somehow we filled the time and it was such a weird bonding experience. All the doctors and nurses were super nice and really put me at ease which I think helped with me having a very positive c-section experience.

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The one strange part of a cesarean is that you can still feel some pressure as they are getting the baby out. It doesn’t hurt but you are aware that something is happening. The doctor announced that he was in fact a boy (horray!) and finally he was out. He didn’t scream at first which is quite common for cesarean babies because they are in shock and still have fluid in their lungs. They had told me that the nurse would show me the baby before whisking him off to get checked out in the adjacent room. Because of his small size, I guess they bypassed this step which freaked me the f*ck out. I quickly asked for some reassurance that in fact, my baby was ok and then I finally heard him scream from the other room…a huge rush of relief washed over me. Michael went to the room next door to take some photos of the first few minutes of James’ life while he got weighed, measured and checked outed. He then came back in holding our son and they let us have a few minutes together where I got to see him for the first time and it was magical and emotional and I won’t ever forget that moment. We had pretty much decided on the name beforehand but didn’t announce it until he had arrived. After we saw him we officially decided that he would be named James Thomas Anderson 🙂

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Michael and James went to the recovery room while the doctors and nurses finished stitching me up. Not going to lie, it really sucked to lay there on the operating table and not get to spend the first 20-30 minutes with him but I’m so glad his daddy was there to be with him. They then wheeled me down to recovery and I saw my mom in the hallway and immediately burst into happy tears. A nice nurse had given her the inside scoop that she could hang out there instead of the waiting room to get an early glimpse of us as we were transported to recovery and it was so special to have her there.

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In my preparing for childbirth class, they had explained the recovery room as a chance for the 3 of us to bond for an hour…in our case, not so much. James’ blood sugar was quite low and they wanted to immediately start him on formula. I was very adamant that I wanted to try to breast feed first. It was crazy and hectic but the first time I got to hold my son was a screaming attempt to get him to breast feed. I had no idea what I was doing and he didn’t either and it was tough, I cried, he cried, it failed. They took him back and started feeding him formula to get his blood sugar up. I was pretty upset but knew that I had no choice in the matter and that it was the best decision for him. Most of our time in recovery was the nurses checking my blood pressure (it was a bit high from the surgery/drugs) and James sitting in the warming bed getting fed and checked over…far from the special bonding moment I had envisioned. Turns out the recovery room is just that, a place for mom and baby to recover from the trauma of surgery.

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Finally, we were released to the post partum room where we had a little down time. Everything at that point is a bit of a blur but my mom and mother-in-law got to meet their grandson and we all spent a little time oohing and aahing and trying to get acclimated. The nurses made very regular visits to check on me and James. They had to do a heel stick on James before every feeding to check his blood sugar which was just torture to watch. His blood sugar would go up and back down throughout the night and sometime on Friday, they made the decision to move him to the nicu. I was completely devastated but knew it was the best decision. Later that day, they moved us up to the 3rd floor so that we could be just down the hall from our little guy. We visited frequently and in our “down time” I was either pumping or sleeping.

I won’t give a play-by-play of the following few days because honestly, it’s a complete blur of exhaustion and emotions. James spent about 5 days in the nicu, first for blood sugar and then to work on feeding before he was released. These are both very common issues for small/premature babies but man, at the time it was super scary. I was discharged on Monday but they let us stay an additional night and released James to our room which was so great. We had high hopes that he would be released on Tuesday but they decided to keep him an additional day because he wasn’t eating very well. I can’t even begin to explain the emotions of leaving your child at the hospital and having to go home. Thankfully I had prepared myself for it and only had a few breakdowns. The doctors had warned us that he might need to stay a few days but his feeding improved greatly overnight and they were ready to release him on Wednesday, horray!

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Final thoughts:

  •  Everyone is completely right when they say you instantly fall in love and you think they are the cutest thing on the face of the planet (even if they look a little goofy for a while).
  • I love my husband way more after seeing him with our son that I ever thought possible.
  • For someone who is usually VERY even keeled and not emotional…post partum emotions have been very hard to deal with. I cry for reasons I can’t put into words and can feel happy/sad/scared/loved all at the same time and it’s WEIRD. Having an awesome support team, a snuggly baby, a shower/real clothes and fresh air seem to be the best medicine!
  • Pretty much nothing went as planned this past month as far as how I envisioned my last few weeks of pregnancy, delivery and first 2 weeks at home but I will elaborate in a separate blog post. It is what it is and we adjust/adapt and make the best out of the situation.
  • I will never take a good night sleep for granted 😉
  • Genetics are awesome and creating a tiny human is quite possibly the coolest thing ever!

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